Sunday morning coming down.

It’s a hard day today.  I think I had too much salt and alcohol last night and far too little sleep and so today, I feel bloated and headachy and too big for my skin.  Everything feels all stretched and tight and that makes me feel uncomfortable in my body.  And that, in turn, makes me self-critical. 

“Oh, Self,” I say. “Self, why must you eat such things?  Remember how easy it was living in your body when you ate only fruits and whole grains and drank only water? Remember how good you felt, how your clothes never felt tight and how you didn’t feel like a lumbering beast of a girl?”

Of course, I know that I am, technically speaking, no fatter than I was yesterday.  And I also know that, most days, I don’t eat a lot of salt and I certainly don’t have several drinks, and I get a good 7 or 8 hours of sleep and so I feel quite comfortable within my own skin.  I know that how I’m feeling today has really nothing to do with the state of my body so much as the state of my mind.

I get that.  Really, I do.

But today, there’ s not a lot of stopping what I’m thinking and it’s 15 days until the expiration of my three-month attempt at not dieting and it’s really tempting to forget how much all that sucked and how much better this way is for me. 

But I’m going to focus on the small steps and try just to hang on.  I’m going to drink some extra water and pack a good lunch for tomorrow and get plenty of sleep tonight, and I’m not going to go eat the contents of the kitchen because I’m sad or go run 5 miles on the treadmill because I feel icky.

Today is just one day.  I can get through just one day.