Contractually obligated to be awesome.
So, the 3-month contract expired last week and, after a bit of insanity, I was going to renew it. But I didn’t.
Here’s the thing. There were five major headings on the contract (each had three or four subheadings and that’s just one of the many reasons I am, as they say in Latin, a dorkus malorkus), but four of the five? I’m totally over them .
I’m not overexercising. I’m not weighing myself or measuring my body with my hands. I’m not engaging in diet talk. I’m not wearing clothes that feel snug or too close-fitting. The only one I’m still up and down with is the calorie-counting.
So, do I need the contract? I don’t know. The calorie-counting of late hasn’t been about my body. Even as I’m hunched over the calculator trying to remember how many calories are in a miniature Twix, it’s not about my body. It’s about reverting to a familiar habit to deal with uncomfortable feelings, feelings that are really and truly not about my chubby bits or a number on the scale.
I like my body as it is. I’m eating good stuff and I’m working out really hard because I like how it feels and nothing in my daily life is about controlling my weight or renovating myself. It’s about living a life and feeling healthy, strong, and good on the inside.
So…the contract. Do I need to renew it?
Or am I ready to move on?
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Obviously, only you can answer that question. But if I were you, I’d renew it.
You’ve done an AMAZING job over the last three months, but I know that for me, outside structure often helps keep me on track when I start to slide (in any number of areas). You may not be sliding now, but what if you are a month from now? The contract might be the push you need to rethink things.
Basically, what I see is, there’s no harm in renewing it, but there might be harm in not renewing it. Does that make sense?
If nothing else, I’d at least make yourself a new contract about the calorie counting. It’s seriously awesome that you’re not doing it in a self-punishing way, but it still scares me for you a little. I would really love to see you create new habits for dealing with uncomfortable feelings.
Of course, I’m just a stranger on the internet. But there’s my two cents. And once again, I think you did an amazing job with the first contract, and I’ve loved reading about it.
You know, you’re right. If I renew the contract, maybe tweaking it to address the specific struggles I’m having (calorie-counting, tendency to want to work out a bit too often) and not focusing on the areas I’m at ease with (not weighing, not engaging in diet-talk).
Thank you for the 2 cents, stranger on the internet! It’s always good to get an outside perspective, so really, thank you for supplying one.