Saboteur Trifecta.
If you’re going to fall off the wagon, do it in a big way.
Today I counted calories, weighed myself, and actually calculated my frickin’-frackin’ BMI to see if I was still in the ‘healthy’ weight range. Son of a motherloving goat!
I can’t call it a slip. It was more of a face-first tumble down the stairs. But, much like Miss Beyonce, I’m picking myself up and getting on with things.
The weird part is, it’s not at all about my body. I’m feeling absolutely fine about my body. I think I just needed a way to kind of hate on myself today.
But to heck with that. It happened, but I’m stopping it right here. The scale has gone back on its high shelf in the closet, the Post-It note with my calories for the day has gone in the trash, and the new contract is looking more and more like the old contract.
I’m a little bit annoyed with myself, but honestly? Only a very little bit. I’m still eating when I’m hungry, still committed to not dieting and letting my body find its natural weight.
Today was just one day. Tomorrow will be a new one. And I’m still moving forward and for now, that’s good enough.
Good attitude. It’s important not to beat up on yourself, because that feeds the “charge” the stuff you use to distract yourself from your real feelings.
I did what you’re doing on and off for 20 years (kept lapsing back into dieting) before it finally “took.” You’re doing great…hang in there. I still occasionally have the off day where my pants feel tight and I try to think back over what I’ve eaten, but those pass pretty quickly these days and I can recognize that shit for the distraction is really is.
“Finish each day and be done with it… You have done what you could; some blunders and absurdities no doubt crept in; forget them as soon as you can. Tomorrow is a new day; you shall begin it…serenely, and with too high a spirit to be cumbered with your old nonsense”
Ralph Waldo Emerson
a la Oprah magazine.
Don’t beat yourself up too much, it’s hard to let go of that conditioning in your head. Yesterday I heard myself tell my boyfriend that he was eating something “good”, what was I thinking!! Good luck!!
I like how you pointed out that “…I just needed a way to kind of hate on myself today.” That really rings true to me.