Three letters.
Dear Random Lady in the bathroom at work,
I know we see each other in here a few times a week. I think your name is Vivian, but I can’t be sure because I don’t talk to people in the bathroom because…it’s a bathroom. A definite no-talking space for me.
For all intents and purposes, I am a stranger to you. So, I was quite confused when you asked me if I was pregnant. Because, well, I DON’T KNOW YOU. And I was pretty sure it was bad form to ask someone if she’s pregnant unless you’ve been, like, invited to a baby shower or seen an ultrasound or something. Just looking at a woman’s body and then asking her if she’s pregnant? That, dear Random Lady, is bad manners.
To answer your question, no, I am not pregnant. But don’t worry. If I choose to make a life-changing decision like conceiving a child, I’ll be sure to swing by the bathroom here at work and let you know first.
Sincerely,
The woman who should have punched you.
Greetings, coworker who lacks an internal censor,
Asking me why I have a “black girl’s booty” is not appropriate work conversation. It’s also not a question I can answer. So shut it. And seriously, stop looking at my ass.
Regards,
Me and my sizeable shadow
To the good people of the Spangler Candy Company:
Your Dum Dums are delicious. I particularly enjoy the butterscotch, though the “mystery” flavor intrigues me with its inscrutability. Keep up the fine work.
Many thanks,
A sucker-lover.
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Right now I feel a sort of “kindred spirit” to you. I was asked by my former friend’s 11 year old daughter if I was pregnant. I said no and she said “Cuz you look like your pregnant, and you look tired and stressed out too”. I have never wanted to bitch-slap a child before, but that nearly sent me over the edge. And not too long ago my 5 year old daughter observed as I sat down on the couch beside her,”mom, you have a big bottom. It’s really huge!” She likes to keep me updated on the size of my tookus every now and then. I know they are just kids, but I think it wouldn’t hurt if we brought back the old Victorian adage of “children should be seen and not heard”.
Wow. That’s…insanely rude. On both accounts. Also, a bit of sexual harassment with the booty remark. Your coworkers are awesome at life.
Based on the size you mentioned you were yesterday, I’ve gotta say I don’t even get it! You sound slim, just not skinny minnie.
I’ll share my worst rude, obnoxious co-workers story with you. About 9 years ago, when I was at my biggest (5′1 and apx. 170 lbs) I was just starting the job I’m at now. I was working at my computer, and the women surrounding me (it was a cubile situation, I don’t have my own office) started going on about how fat and disgusting they were, and talking about how they were trying to lose weight. Now, there were three of them and they all looked like they were about a size 4 -6. Here I am, about a size 14 - 16, surrounded by them going on like this and just really, really wanting to stay out of it, so I kept staring at my computer.
Finally, one calls me out, “Rose, what are YOU doing to lose weight?” (said in an almost accusing manner) I say “Nothing, I’m fine with myself the way I am.” The looks I got from this response would have indicated that I suddenly had a new head pop up on me at that moment! So they start with “But… but… but, DON’T YOU KNOW IT’S NOT HEALTHY!!!!” So I responded that it was less healthy for me to vomit my food up every day, which is what I used to do when I was thin. And I also inquired why they thought my health issues were their business in the first place. That shut them up! Oh, how they wanted me to turn to them, sad-eyed and yearning and say “I wish I could look like you!” And I’m sure that’s why they dragged me in to begin with.
Just one note, I’m not saying the booty comment was cool, especially if you don’t know the person who said it well. But I’ve been told I have a black women’s booty on many occassions and it’s always meant as a compliment, and I always take it that way. I love having a shapely butt!
Actually having re-read what that person said to you, I can see why it was really gross! It’s one thing to say “You have such a shapely butt for a white girl, are you sure you don’t have a little black blood in you?” then to say “Why do you have a black women’s butt?” That’s very rude!
Umm,
I think it’s, like, a GOOD THING to have a ghetto booty. Like, I think people are having surgeries to get that look. Be proud of your booty (especially if the husband likes it!)
Wow, you work with jerks, huh? Ghetto booties are awesome. I myself have a substantial one. Very substantial. But in its heyday, it would not only bring all the boys to the yard, but would also get them love drunk off my hump.
*snort* That was so lame. But, honestly, guys love the big-assed ladies. I used to get complimented on the thing. Probably the lady at work was just jealous and wanted to know your secret so she could grow a ghetto booty, too. You should buy her some Dum Dums.
Oh, I have no problem at all with my booty. It’s always been shelf-like, and I’m glad to have curves *somewhere* since God gave the bosoms to my sister.
Rose, you *rock* for saying that to your coworkers!!
Hey, Sassy, I tried to email you and it bounced! I was going to quiz you about if you’ve had the baked fudge at The Pink House. I have dreams about that stuff.
The Pink House OMG!!! Actually I have only been to the Pink House once - I know I know, I’m a terrible citizen of my town. I don’t know why the email bounced. Try this one - jillith71@yahoo.com.
Maybe that one will work. Layta!
Wow, your co-workers were unbelievably rude. I hope those comments did not capture too much of your energy.
I followed a link from BFD to get here, and I just wanted to say how glad I am to have found your blog. Like you, I am trying to give up dieting and eat intuitively and am finding it a tough go. We are definitely swimming upstream in this society.
A couple of months ago, I spend a few weeks in Vermont at a place called Green Mountain, a fitness resort whose programme is based around intuitive eating and healthy activity. Their website can be found at fitwoman.com, and has some information and resources that you might find useful.
I will definitely be back to read more of your story.
That sucks. I love how you end the post with the last letter. Hilarious!
You work with rude assholes.
And that mystery Dum Dum flavor is awesome. It’s the point where they join two different flavors on the candy line, which is why it’s so inscrutably yummy. You never know which combo it will be.
Found myself here by way of many different blogs, all of which rule.