Ha.
I’ve been working out a lot lately because I’ve been enjoying it, and the ridiculous temperatures have made my appetite disappear, so I’ve been eating lighter than what is typical.
Guess how much weight I’ve lost?
None. Hee!
I have conflicting feelings about this. The Secret Dieter who still lives in my head is very upset; she doesn’t understand how this could happen. It’s calories in v. calories out, after all*, and far more has been going out than in. The math! The math should work! The math has never failed us before!!
However, the Non-Dieter is quite pleased. Basically, even though I rationally accepted the idea of a natural weight range, I was pretty sure I’d be the exception. I assumed that eating in a normal, appetite-driven way would continually push my weight up, up, up. That there would be no stopping point, that I would gain and gain and gain.
But that hasn’t happened. When I stopped my disordered behaviors, my weight zoomed right up to the 145 - 148 range and…stopped. It was like…wait for it…it wanted to be there! Like my body had some kind of wisdom about what I should weigh. And now, here I am in this range and the weeks I exercise only minimally and drink extra glasses of wine and say yes to dessert, I stay here. And the weeks I work out for hours and eat only whole foods, I stay here. There’s about a 3-pound range that I scoot around in and it seems pretty independent of how many miles I ran the day before. It’s freakin’ fascinating, the way my body seems to want this weight.
But I’d be lying to you (and to myself) if I said that the Secret Dieter wasn’t the first voice I heard when I weighed this week. The disappointment came hard and fast, but it was just a reflex.
I’m not perfect at this and I have no expectation that I’m going to suddenly get perfect at this. There are still clothes at my house that don’t fit anymore but I can’t bring myself to give them away, after all. But I’m also in a place right now where my feelings about my weight are very separate from my feelings about my body. My body? I really like it. It fills out a pair of britches quite nicely and I so dig not seeing my sternum. My body is strong and powerful and capable of blinding my enemies in bright sunlight (thanks, European ancestors!). The number on the scale may bug me some days, but I recognize it’s not about my body anymore. It’s about clearing out the junk in my head that says only certain weights are acceptable for me. And it’s probably also about moving the scale back to that high closet shelf and tossing those smaller-sized clothes.
I am so much more than a number.
*We all know the Secret Dieter is oversimplifying here, but she’s not up to complex thought. She’s very hungry, after all.
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That idea, that there is a “set point” sort of weight, is so fascinating…. I’m wondering if there are any published studies about it, because I’d be interested to see how many people’s bodies work this way (and how many people allow them to figure things out “on their own”, if you will). I used to kind of think I have my own set point, but now, sometimes I get so scared that where I am is really where it’s at, and that sucks. I remember being in the 160 range and feeling just GOOD about myself - I could eat, I could not eat, I could get exercise or not, and my body was just awesome. I want so badly to get back there, but to take those steps and actually move toward that scares the hell out of me.
You go, girl! Good for you for learning to trust your own body, your own hunger, your own perspective.
You’re doing great! You seemed to be flirting with the dark side a few weeks ago and you’ve come out the other side, stronger than ever.
I hope you and your hubby had fun last weekend.
superblondgirl, actually there have been countless studies that basically support the setpoint theory, going all the way back to Ancel Keyes’ famous 1944 study. The books “The Dieter’s Dilemma: Eating Less and Weighing More” by William Bennet, “Big Fat Lies” by Dr. Glenn Gaesser and “The Diet Myth” by Paul Campos, and most recently, “Rethinking Thin” by Gina Kolata all document many of these studies. But because of the diet industry, what should be common knowledge is relegated to the fringe.
And Good With Cheese, great going here. Thanks for sharing this journey toward sanity and health!
Hello
I have the theory that the body knows what it wants and it will make you unhappy if you don’t listen. Some people need more weight, some people don’t. I want to feel strong, me and my body in the same boat getting through life being happy. So my body wants carbs, I eat carbs. It wants steak (not often, but around once a month) steak it is. It wants chocolate, so I will feed it chocolate. To hell with what all the “experts” say. My body knows when its hungry and what it wants to eat. It is partial to broccoli by the way. To long without broccoli and I get complaints. I don’t know why, but I am only part of the team and the other part is not good at verbal communication ;-).
alternative, you should be teaching a class. I completely dig the idea that you’re a teammate to your body; I too frequently think of things as me v. my body.