Hickory Dickory Dock.
I’ve had a pretty significant shift in how I eat this last week or so, and I’m quite excited about it.
Many of my food rituals while dieting were built around the clock: breakfast at 6, snack at 9, lunch at 12, snack at 3:30, dinner at 6:30. I didn’t deviate from this schedule and, of course, there were also all kinds of rules about what I could eat at those times, but all in all, I was quite time-focused. Frequent small meals = calorie-burning machine, after all.
Since giving up my diet, I’ve found myself still eating on that schedule for the most part. There may have been a 10 or 15 minute window around those times, but my hunger usually appeared right on cue at those dieting times. It was a clearly a habit, and one that made me crazy.
But here recently I’ve noticed that something has sort of just clicked off in regards to the clock. I’m zooming through most of my morning without feeling like I need to eat: no 9 AM snack. I get close to my lunch break before I even feel the early stirrings of hunger. And, like, real hunger - not just a response to the clock.
This is a small thing, but it carries big importance for me. These little shifts in my thinking add up, these moments when I eat a hamburger without feeling guilty or when I snack because I’m hungry even though I just ate an hour ago or when I stop running at 2.41 miles even though I had 4 planned just because my knee feels wonky and I don’t want to injure myself.
It’s so easy not to give ourselves credit for the daily tiny steps we take, for those small choices we make that honor our bodies instead of harming them. But enough of those tiny steps?
Well, we can cover a lot of distance that way.
Oh, man, I wish I knew what hunger really felt like, instead of the “I should eat” phenomenon, or the “There’s nothing to do but eat” phenomenon, or even, like you, the “It’s time to eat” phenomenon. I’ve found that having a feeding regimen helps me, though, not in that “dieting machine” sense, but in a literal “Hmm, why do I feel like crap? Oh!” sense. So many congratulations to you on reestablishing a relationship with your body’s normal physiological signs!
I was reading (likely on junkfood science) about the caveman theory, but it holds just as true for agrarian peoples whether in Amish country now or on the prairie/big woods 150 years ago. People always had to, like, *do* stuff before they could eat in the morning. They had to get up, find the food, or in the case of farmers, feed, milk and care for the livestock, and *prepare* the food - food wasn’t right there the minute they rolled out of bed. Sumo wrestlers work out for 4 hours before they eat (and they are not only strong as hell, they have a different kind of fat than we do - it’s subcutaneous and not considered unhealthy.) But all my life I’m told “breakfast like a king, lunch like a prince and sup like a pauper.” Well I’m not freaking hungry when I just wake up. Almost never. Takes at least an hour or two to get actual hunger going (unless I skimped a lot the night before maybe.)
Anyway, kudos to you on the inner clock readjustment - all these things are going to add up to a healthier you, and it’s been so nice of you to chronicle all these small details of your journey.
That really is a big thing. While I tend to be much better about accepting that I am eating lots of food without rules because my body wants that, I still get paranoid when I eat later at night.
Though the idea of skipping breakfast would never occur to me. Despite being cold when awake, my body temperature seems to go up to about 100 degrees while I sleep. I wake up absolutely famished.
But, yes, once you give yourself permission to feel and listen and eat, real hunger feels so good. Eating for reasons other than hunger feels kind of empty (and usually, now I can tell the truth, as long as I keep the dreaded c-word out of my vocabulary).
I rather enjoy the feeling of hunger. I like to go to bed on an empty stomach and many days I eat a rather small dinner. I can’t explain it: the sensation is more fascinating than painful. I also I’m not a big breakfast eater. I tend to clean the house, do my workout and then eat something after I’ve been up two if not three hours.
I think intuitive eatings is more than eating when one is hungry. It’s having the choice to eat or not to eat. It’s not being a slave to your drives.
How timely to read this post - it’s “dinner time” but I’m not hungry. I did buy a super yummy flatbread pizza from Trader Joe’s that I am looking forward to eating but I am making myself wait until I am actually hungry. There are 2 “me”s dealing with right now. One demanding to be fed because, dammit, it’s dinner time and there’s an awesome meal waiting for me. The second me, who is holding on strong, keeps reminding the impatient disordered eater that the food will *still be there* when I am actually hungry for it.
It amazes me this is so easy and old hat for so many people.
I say this is a great cause for celebration - daily tiny step or not. Yay!
Lillian, maybe I’m not understanding what you’re saying, but it sounds dangerously like what patients with eating disorders describe: the sense of power over the body as a surrogate for the lack of power one has in their outside life. This is definitely not everyone’s experience but it’s a common theme. “Being a slave to your drives” is the pendulum swinging to the other side from “completely ignoring your drives” and neither is, IMO, healthy. So I hope I’m just misinterpreting this, or that you are already on the road to recovery if I’m not.
just wanted to pipe in and say this was great, as usual. it’s still something i’m working on myself, to be honest. i have a habit of rushing to the kitchen as soon as i wake up because i have to eat breakfast first thing (!!!!) and sometimes i wind up sitting over a huge bowl of oatmeal thinking, wait a second… i’m not hungry. usually i am very hungry in the morning, but if i had a large dinner late the night before, i’m generally not, and yet i still feel compelled to eat early the next morning despite still feeling a bit full. so i’ve lately been trying to just have coffee (because that i do need first) and then waiting until i’m actually hungry to eat breakfast, instead of just eating as a knee jerk reaction to being awake. i find that if i wait for actual hunger, i eat what i actually want.
the rest of the clock thing is slowly getting away from me. working at home helps. it’s easier when you don’t work in an office, because you’re the master of your own clock. the biggest thing i’ve had to get over is eating late at night though. i still hear NO EATING AFTER 8 when i sit down to dinner at 9 or 10, but i’m better able to squash that voice.
and, um, phledge, i read that the same way you did, and cringed.
Entangled — “Despite being cold when awake, my body temperature seems to go up to about 100 degrees while I sleep. I wake up absolutely famished.” i get this too! it drives my husband crazy because i turn the undercovers into an oven. and usually i do wake up feeling like i could gnaw my own arm off. do you think there’s a connection?
brightened my morning to swing on by and see YOUR day a bit brighter.
Im all about celebrating the BABY STEPS as well.
we beat ourselves up over the baby mis-steps huh?
MizFit
phledge,
It sounds to me like she’s just listening to her body, and her body is not always hungry according to the old schedule. She’s not ignoring anything (before she was ignoring that she was NOT hungry). She feels true body hunger. That’s great, not disordered.
I meant that I like feeling the desires. It’s not unhealthy. I don’t have to have an ice cream if I crave one, but I can have an ice cream if I crave one. Does that make more sense?
I see now, and I’m glad I misunderstood. And, funnily enough, I wish I could feel those things as well. Baby steps.
Lovely post! Definitely a lot of baby steps involved in this endeavor for me too. I like your comment about covering a lot of ground that way
Sorry to communicate via your commenting, but I knew of no other way to contact you.
I’m conducting an anonymous survey of bloggers who write about their eating disorders or recovery from eating disorders. The results of this survey will be used for publication and research purposes by myself, a graduate student, and a clinical psychologist specializing in the treatment of eating disorders.
I invite you and other bloggers who write about eating disorders to participate. More information and a survey link can be found here
Are you still alive? *hellloooooo echos off into the distance*
I love that last part. Very profound. It sounds just like a Heroes voice-over by Sendhil Ramamurthy. Heart it!
This is such a great post, you are a real inspiration
:waves: Hope all is well!
Where are you?
Hope you’re doing well dear.