A First Time For Everything.
I ran outside today for the first time since last fall. I twisted all through our neighborhood, breathed in warm spring air, listened to birds singing, coveted brilliant jewel-box flower beds.
But none of that is the exciting part.
The exciting part is: I ran in shorts and a sleeveless tank.
Okay, so that doesn’t sound like Big News. But here’s the thing: the last time I ran in shorts was almost five years ago. I was just learning to run (that sounds…weird. But you know what I mean), it was one heck of a hot summer, and I only wore the shorts because I was running at 5:30 in the morning before it was light out.
I’ve never felt comfortable exposing my pasty, chubby thighs to the world; even at my thinnest, I didn’t wear shorts out of the house. It didn’t matter if it was 100 degrees out; I was running in track pants and a t-shirt with sleeves.
But I’ve decided that I’m not going to continue to treat my body like it’s shameful in this one area of my life. After all, my legs deserve air and sunlight and balmy April evenings. And for the love of baby-flavored doughnuts, running feels best when I’m comfortable and shorts are comfortable.
And you know, anyone who doesn’t like looking at my chubby thighs?
Well, they can survive the five seconds it takes me to leave them in my dust.
For some reason, I’ve been wanting to start running. Not sure why because I don’t think I have the knees for it anymore but here’s my question: how’d you start?
Also, hurray for you!!! That is so awesome. I need to get over my fear of my arms. So I can wear tank tops and not feel like I’m just disgusting the hell out of everyone.
Wow. I love this post! I’ve been wanting to start running too, and I want to run outside but, I dunno, I’m too afraid right now I guess. This post helps a lot. Especially the last line! hehe!
sparklepants, I used the Couch-to-5K program at coolrunning.com. It’s designed for non-runners and is really do-able.
I think (and Kay, I’m talking to you here, too) if you want to start running, even if you don’t really know *why*, you should do it. Running has given me more confidence in my body than anything else I’ve done. I may be chubby and I may be slow, but I have endurance for days and can kill my tall, skinny, former-track-star husband in most any distance.
Basically, running makes one feel like a badass. Can’t beat that.
I’ve always wanted to run, but I’ve never been able to do it. I watch with envy every time I see a runner, wishing I could do the same thing. I’ve tried breaking into a jog every once in a while when I’m out on a walk, but I just feel so heavy and stupid. I end up stopping out of shame in case some one sees me and is disgusted by my flapping flab or laughs at my attempt to be a normal person.
But in the past few months, since I discovered the fatosphere, a burgeoning hope has come over me. I’m learning to throw off the shame that I’ve always thought I was obligated to feel. That’s really what I felt, I realize now; That I owed it to society to hate myself because I’d let them down by not being thin and beautiful.
Well, fuck all that. I’m going to run again. I may be slow and look a right fool, but, oh, it will feel so good.
Thank you for writing this and giving the coolrunning address. The couch to 5K program looks like exactly what I need.
Good with Cheese, as usual… you rock.
damnsle, I know just what you mean about feeling heavy when you run. I thought for years, “I can’t run, I get too winded.” I go out for walks, and I run a block, and then I have to recover for five blocks. But… so what? I do the treadmill at the gym, and lately I’ve been doing my own version of Couch-to-5K: basically, I’m trying to increase my running bursts whenever I feel I can. For a while, I could only run a minute, and barely that, and I’d have to recover for ten. Recently, I found that I could pass a minute and get to 90 seconds, and this past week, I’ve been hitting 2 minute running bursts, every 7 minutes! It’s a slow process, but it’s on my own schedule, and my goal is to eventually run a full mile without stopping to walk.
Who cares how you look to strangers? What matters is how you feel. And I feel great after I run/walk.