Going the distance.
Back when I first started running, my goal was to run three miles without stopping. Once I’d accomplished that, I began working on increasing my distances. I wasn’t fast, and knew I’d never be fast, what with the stubby legs and knocked knees, but I could boost my endurance; I could learn to run and run, knowing my legs and lungs wouldn’t quit on me. I never ran, like, marathon distances (because…well…I also enjoy lots of couch-sitting), but I’d generally clock 30+ miles a week with a couple long runs of 6 or 7 miles. It was a respectable number; it was enough to make me feel like a Runner with a capital R.
And then I got really into dieting, and while I continued to put in hours of running a week, I lost my ability to run very many miles at a time. I’d break my distances into smaller amounts: 3 miles before work, another 4 when I got home, that sort of thing. My endurance was shot to hell; consecutive miles became too hard.
When I ended my diet, I had to shelve consistent running for a while. Physically, I had some injuries that needed to heal. Bu I also had to heal my relationship with running. It had come to represent only a way of burning calories; every mile was a number.
It’s taken time, but I’ve gotten back to a place where running is joyful. I even run outside regularly, away from the mile-tracking of my treadmill. That’s how I know it’s not about calories for me anymore. After all, as I wind through my neighborhood and let myself choose my path based on what street has the prettiest flowers that day, I can’t even attempt to calculate the distance and calories burned.
But even on the days when darkness or rain or American Idol has driven my run indoors and I can see the distance ticking away, I never run more than 4 or 5 miles. I can’t even remember the last time I ran a 10K distance. It makes me feel like a runner with a lowercase r. And that makes me sad.
I feel like I’ve put some healthy distance between me and my overexercising; I think I’m ready to attempt something resembling “training.” So, I have found myself a training schedule for running a 10K, and plan to work my way back to that distance in the next few weeks. I know I can handle 6.2 miles; I’m just out of practice.
I want my capital R back.
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I’m training to run a 5K – my first-ever running race attempt (I was a competitive swimmer for 12 years, but I’ve always thought I was a terrible runner). I ran 1.5km today, which is the longest I’ve ever run not on a treadmill; running on a track is a lot different than running on a treadmill!
I’m loving the challenge. I feel like I might someday be a Runner, too.
YAY! I’m also a runner with stubby legs and knocked knees! I feel like I could have written this… once I stopped dieting I had to stop exercising for a while until I knew I was at a place where I was doing it for the right reasons (which for me are health + fun.) I don’t have a treadmill, but I accidentally lost my heart rate monitor with the cal counter, which was an expensive blessing in disguise. (My room mate thinks Kate Harding stole it.) Now, I’m back into it and I’m running my first half marathon this weekend. I’m so excited. I’m also a super slow endurance runner (11-12 minute miles) but I always go the distance, and I never burn out like I used to when I didn’t eat enough.
I’ll be working back up to a 5k starting in the fall. (to say ‘back up’ is a bit ambitious, I’m not sure I ever managed 5k at an all-out run.) Right now I’m barely a walker- so I’m shooting for getting my lower case ‘r’.
(truth be told it isn’t just running, I’m shooting for a lower case ‘t’- as in try-athlete)
I’m so glad you are enjoying running and getting back into the longer distances. I am running a 10K on Saturday (I’ve been running a little over a year this time, though I have gone through periods of running several times before in my life) and I know just what you mean about having to divorce it from calorie counting. When I was all crazy about WW, the main reason I even started running again was because I was starting to have trouble keeping my heart rate up high enough to qualify for “high” level activity points by walking or on the elliptical, so I had to find something harder so I could get more points. Yuck.
At least I have removed activity points from the equation now. I still know how far I’ve gone, though I try to ignore the calorie count, because I’ve been training for a 10K that’s taking place on Saturday and I’ve been using a Garmin since the training plan is pretty specific.
So I have definitely been enjoying it much more this spring since I’ve been able to start going outside, but I still have some issues with pushing myself too hard. For example, right now for the first time since I started the training program (prior to the program I was running about 16 miles a week) I have a twinge in my ankle and my tailbone hurts, probably both from too many miles on concrete, and I feel pretty exhausted. Today was a bit better, but yesterday I was slooooow and felt like I was running in quicksand the whole time. I suspect this is largely my own fault because I have been staying up way too late. But in any case I should probably skip the 6 miles tomorrow and let my body repair itself for the race.
(I have done all of the distances I was supposed to on the plan, including 8 miles last weekend, but if I’m being totally honest with myself I really don’t have the proper endurance and I should have started out at a much more basic level or maybe not even tackled the 10K yet. My heart rate is way too high even on my “easy” runs, and I know I won’t really be able to get any faster until I do some much slower training. So really I think I am kind of overtraining most of the time, which means I’m ticking off the boxes on the training program but the runs are probably not able to do what they are supposed to do for my speed and endurance because I am overexerting myself all the time. Meaning my tendency to push myself too hard–left over from dieting mentality–might actually be sabotaging my performance in the race. I don’t like to think that the whole training program could have been a waste of time, though, so I don’t think about that.)
Anyway, I can tell it’s going to be hard to make myself skip tomorrow’s run if that still seems like the right choice tomorrow morning. This is how I know I haven’t quite made it out of “exercise=punishment, an obligation, or calories burned” purgatory yet.
Hmm.. this is inspiring me to try running again. I’ve just gotten into doing yoga the past couple of weeks and it’s made me feel so strong and energized. And now that the weather’s getting nice, I think heading out for a nice walk/run through the cemetery sounds like a fine idea.
Update, not that anyone necessarily cares: I did skip my training run today. It was the right choice, too. Here’s to listening to and taking care of your body, as exemplified by this post. (And thanks again for the post, because reading about the joy you are taking in your running these days definitely played a part in my decision.)
Oh, I am a runner too. A lower-case “r” runner, though. I dream of 11 to 12 minute miles on long runs, people.
But, I enjoy it. I really, really love being even a lower-case “r” runner. I think six to seven miles is my favorite distance, when I have a proper training base, because I spend the first two or so miles warming up, and then just cruuuuise through to the end. I end up feeling lighter than air, like I could keep running and running (even though I really couldn’t).
I have runs are that are terrible, that are just like getting beat. But the good runs are oh so good. So good. I remember days two years ago, beautiful sun-dappled runs on a quiet paved path, the grass still dewy and the sound of my rhythmic foot falls just pulling me along.
I’ve never been in danger of overtraining. So maybe I can’t speak intelligently of where you are coming from. But I have never loved the treadmill. Like you, I used to be embarassed to run outside where people can SEE my fat ASS does she really think she’s a RUNNER? So I run when its dark, in the mornings, mostly. Good for you for taking it outside. I don’t think I could stick to running if I was banging out the miles solely on a treadmill.
I have fantasized about getting in to running. Almost completed the C25K program a few years ago. But it’s never stuck. Haven’t yet figured out if it’s a timing thing or I’m just not meant to be a runner.
zmama75, I don’t know where you live, but the thing that made running “stick” for me was finding a group to run with. I started out with Get Fit Atlanta (they were mostly a little too hardcore for my taste) and then switched over to Galloway. There are Galloway programs in TONS of cities, and they are extremely welcoming to new, slow runners.
Besides the camaraderie, knowing that I’d have to meet up with my group on Saturday mornings for a long run was a definite motivator to get me out of bed on the weekdays and do my alone-runs. Its a great way to start out, too, because there are loads of knowledgeable people to help you learn stuff.
[...] Ten-Miler. I never posted my times or pace, because, well, they are abysmally slow. I know I am a lower case “r” runner and really, I’m usually okay with that [...]
just wanted to say thank you for posting the navel-grazing post. THIS IS EXACTLY EXXAACCCTTTLLLYYYY what i am going through! i spent half of today crying in bed because im struggling with the same difficulties.
keep truckin’ your my inspiration! we are in this together (and we even weigh the same…i can NOT get below 130 for my life
)
stay strong!
I don’t think you should take down your navel-gazing post at all! It’s reassuring you wrote it, because I think it is easy to get super obsessive about Intuitive Eating, too. I am not dieting, but have purposely not read any Intuitive Eating books because I know I will take it too far. Am I full? Am I too full? Do I really want this? Do I secretly want that?
It’s okay to be too full sometimes. It’s okay to eat something and wish you ate something different. Life is not perfect, and neither is listening to your hunger. Or so I tell myself…
Wow… this is good food for thought, as is the rest of your comment. No pun intended.
Okay, first of all, I loved your navel-gazing post because I think we’re all floating around in the fatosphere thinking that everyone else is doing intuitive eating perfectly while we are just struggling through. The fact is, intuitive eating is a process not a destination and it takes attention and energy every single day to keep choosing and providing what our bodies want. Some days will be easier than others, but the point is to keep trying.
The other thing I wanted to say about your post is that your food choices are YOUR food choices. If you want to eat less peanut butter, do that. If you want to wait a little bit before you eat, do that. Nobody else should be able to tell you how or what or when or how much to eat. With that said, if you know that restriction is a slippery slope for you, you may want to work with a nutritionist or a therapist as a way to check in and make sure you don’t slip back into old dieting habits. The point is to pay attention to what your body wants.
Good luck!